yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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