Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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