I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
