you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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