fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
