And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
