Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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