He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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