he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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