Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
