my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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