just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
