3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
