somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
