i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
