NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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