This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
