Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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