can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
