So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
In other news, I just burned my penis
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
