Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
