did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
