How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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