peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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