May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
