If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I touched a dick in church today
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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