Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
