i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
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I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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