So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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