Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
