she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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