Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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