people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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