I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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