Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
