Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
