one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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