Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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