were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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