thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
