i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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