i jhust puked up my retainher.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
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He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
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I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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