I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
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How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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