i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Randomize
