I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
