***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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