How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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