You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
