I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Drunk is not a location!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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