So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
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