unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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