I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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