You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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