Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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