So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
