were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best revenge is premature balding
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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