so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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