Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
