Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
