dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
