dude i'm inner monologue high
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
