My first STD was from a foam party
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
