I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
