addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
