never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
