She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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