There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize