he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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